Rosie Dalton

We called you in upon the moon

set the candles burning

hearts on fire

 

Mapped the stars

across the night sky

and across our mind’s eye

 

Imagined your smile

and soul aglow

shifting, shifting

Slowly taking shape now

in rhythm with the tide

our universe inside

I.

It began on May 26th

the day I knew you were with us

Another ordinary Tuesday

when we saw you for the first time

Just a tiny sunbeam, suspended inside

As the months flew by

we grew together,

you and I

And we dreamed big dreams of who you might be
your dad and I

Sometimes I would overthink things

as I have a habit of doing

We started out somewhere

and ended up elsewhere

Blowing in the wind

but grounded by your soul

earthy as the soil

II.

 

I asked you what it looked like

your dream birth

in the salty bath

two as one

 

And, in meditation, you showed me

that yellow façade and fragrant wall of jasmine

 

‘You will know where you’re meant to birth’ they say

for me, it was the who

when I met Ash, I just knew

she would be the one to deliver you

 

I felt into the anticipation of your arrival

a meditation

 

We practised breathing with Anne

planned a calm and quiet birth

 

But then things shifted

 

‘Small?’

the referral read

‘large’

the sonographer corrected

 

There were moments of fear

moments of resistance

 

Surrender,

I would tell myself

let go and flow

like water

the sea

III.

 

A Thursday, this time

our final appointment with Ash

in the midst of a summer heatwave

 

The day had started with a sunrise swim

as had become our custom

 

A faceless doctor wanted to induce

so we tried all of the things

to tempt you earthside

 

Surrender, surrender

and slowly

the veil, it lifted

 

Waves

from 2 or 3am

regular

consistent

close together

 

Your dad ran us a bath,

lit some candles

 

We watched a sixties spy movie

and I tried to rest in between contractions

to swim with them

 

It was mid-morning

when we hugged Lizzy goodbye,

sun beating down

and piled into the Land Cruiser

 

We listened to Almost Cut My Hair 

refusing to give in an inch to fear

 

Nine centimetres on arrival

a warm bath

and your dad’s palms to squeeze

 

He spritzed some rosewater

as your waters flowed forth

to meet new waters

 

The trance-like sounds of Deep Forest
uncharacteristic looseness of my jaw

a smile

 

You moved slowly

easing my body

gently

stuck for just a beat

 

So, I stared up into your dad’s eyes

drawing strength from his strength

like a cosmic dance, between we three

 

And there you were

floating underwater

between two worlds

 

You opened your big blue eyes

blinked

 

2.47pm

three hours after arriving in that dimly lit room

the bright sun blazing beyond

IV.

 

And so I surrender

slowly, slowly

 

Trust in my softness

the ability to control less

and let go more

 

Watch the clouds wander

 

This way

and that way

fluid

but not without direction

 

Like a made up dance ... one with feeling

 

Deep

as the ocean

or your baby blues

 

You are not yet five moons young

 

And the clouds, they dance on

dancing free across the sky